


Do I or Don't I?

by sophie_evelyn



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 09:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10636617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophie_evelyn/pseuds/sophie_evelyn
Summary: It's Emma's wedding day but is she sure that she really wants to go through with it? Will a heart to heart with Regina change her mind?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I finally got AO3 after months of 'meaning to sign up but never getting around to it'. I've posted this on Tumblr a little while ago but thought I'd post it on here also. I hope you guys enjoy it let me know what you think :)

A long, deep breath passed through her lips as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was long and bouncy, styled faultlessly by Ruby Lucas who had also perfected her makeup. ‘Blushing bride’ she had called it and she wasn’t joking. It was subtle and feminine and very pink and it couldn’t be any further away from her usual comfortable look. Then there was the dress. The dress that had taken months of consideration and multiple trips to various bridal stores, each trip she had hated more than the previous one. She had never had any interest in fashion let alone wedding dresses so it mainly came down to her mother to help her choose the right one. She had settled with the strapless white gown that was bedazzled with diamonds along the bardot neckline; the dress fanning out at the bottom which reminded her of the ones that she had worn in other realms but never in this realm, never in her reality.

She looked like the perfect bride, like the ones she had read about in the storybooks, like she imagined her mother looked on her wedding day yet the feelings that she was feeling were far from perfect. This should be the happiest day of her life and yet here she was hiding away in the bathroom instead of sipping on champagne with her bridesmaids before she took the leading role in her very own fairy-tale wedding.

“Emma?” She heard the muffled voice calling from behind the door. “Emma, honey? Can I come in?” A gentle knock upon the wooden door followed shortly after.

“Uh. Yeah. Sure, mom.” She called back dragging her eyes away from the stranger in the mirror and turning to face the excited brunette who had just entered the room.

“What are you doing cooped up in here? You’re missing out on the pre-wedding drinks.” She paused for a second as she took in her daughter’s demeanour. She looked peculiar, unsure of herself. “Is everything okay? Is it nerves?” She asked her tentatively, Emma wasn’t one to usually get nervous but then her daughter had never gotten married before. 

Emma looked back at her mother, she looked so happy and so she nodded, not wanting to upset her or cause her any worry. She wasn’t nervous though, she was terrified. Terrified that she was about to make a huge mistake, one that she could never correct. “Yeah. How did you get through them?” Emma asked, her gaze reverting to the floor; over the last could of months, it seemed that she had lied to her parents a lot more than what would be considered acceptable. 

Snow laughed lightly, not being the least bit suspicious of Emma’s words and pulled her eldest child into a warm hug. “Nerves are normal but as soon as you see your handsome husband to be waiting for you at the end of the aisle then they will soon float away.”

A small grimace was somehow held in and she pasted a small smile on her face as she heard the ‘h’ word. “Thanks, mom.” She whispered and slowly pulled away from the other woman. She bit her lip anxiously as she debated inwardly whether or not to ask the question on the tip of her lips. “Mom. Is…” Another pause which was followed by a swallow, she could feel her eyes beginning to water and she sniffed harshly to avoid any tears from falling and showing just how hurt she was. “Has Regina arrived yet?”

A soft sigh passed through the air as Snow slowly shook her head disappointedly. She knew how much Emma wanted Regina to be there for her today. She had almost physically hurt her when she had refused to be Emma’s bridesmaid, Emma hadn’t told her just how hurt she was by this rejection but she knew, she had always known how much Emma had wanted Regina to be beside her on her wedding day. She had spoken to and almost pleaded to the other woman to reconsider but Regina’s mind had been made up. She didn’t agree with Emma and Killian’s relationship and she had said that she wanted nothing to do with their wedding or their marriage. “I’m sorry sweetie. I can call her again if you’d like?” Snow’s palm rested soothingly on her daughter’s shoulder as she saw the hurt and rejection which was now evident in Emma’s eyes.

“No it’s okay.” Emma replied and tried to once again force a smile, this time it failed and her lips curved downwards, her pain unable to be masked. The fact that Regina wasn’t going to be here caused her even more uncertainty about this union. Her mind flashed back to that day a few months ago when she had asked Regina to be one of her bridesmaids.

_She was excited, so excited. She had just spent the evening with her parents and Henry and Killian. They had been having a family dinner; Regina was noticeably missing even though she had been invited by herself, Henry and her parents. Emma had figured that she had plans with her sister or something. She had however noticed that Regina had been distancing herself from her ever since she had found out about her engagement. Once again Emma had shrugged it off and figured she was just being paranoid._

__

_In hindsight she probably should have called her or texted but she really wanted to ask Regina in person, it was, after all, something that she thought Regina would be thrilled about. Instead though, Emma found herself standing outside that familiar home and waiting eagerly to be greeted by a pair of warm chocolate eyes._

__

_“Emma. What are you doing here?” Regina had asked almost as soon as she had opened her front door. Emma being Emma had walked inside the warm mansion as soon as the door had been opened not waiting for an invitation and not noticing the vacant look that Regina had adopted._

__

_The blonde planted her feet firmly on the ground and turned to face Regina as she closed the door. “We missed you at dinner tonight. I was kinda hoping you’d be there.”_

__

_A heavy sigh resided from the brunette, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for bailing on dinner but seeing Hook all over Emma was certainly something that would put her off of her food. “Something came up.” She lied smoothly, not wanting to hurt Emma with her true reasoning._

__

_Emma shrugged, noticing the tension which had unwillingly made its way into the room. A smile drew on her face as she remembered the reason why she had been so desperate to see Regina for. “Well I have something important to ask you.” This caught the brunette’s attention and a perfect eyebrow arched in her direction. “Will you be my bridesmaid?” She asked hurriedly, her voice hasty from excitement, anticipation and the tiniest bit of nerves._

__

_“Emma…” Regina spoke quietly after a long pause which had caused the tension in the room to rile up once again._

__

_“What is it?” She asked, not wanting to look directly at Regina, the stern face of the other woman making her nervous. “I’ll let you pick your own dress,” Emma added with a cautious laughter which barely reached her eyes. This uneasiness between them reminded her of the beginning of their relationship when they could barely be in the same room as one another, those days or so she had thought were long behind them._

__

_Regina closed her eyes tightly for a moment; she didn’t want to hurt Emma. Hell, that was the last thing she wanted to do but there was no way she could even entertain the idea of being a bridesmaid at that ceremony. Her eyes opened slowly and brown met anxious green. “Emma. I can’t.”_

__

_“What? Why not?” Emma had spoken right away, almost too quickly as the two questions seemed to blend into one. Betrayal was the first emotion she had felt and the anger which had been long suppressed had risen to the forefront within her. She swallowed it down as best she could and swiped her revealing eyes harshly with the back of her hand before they could reveal any trace of hurt._

__

_“You know how I feel about the pirate. I’ve told you many times.” Regina tried her hardest to keep her voice at a level volume but could already feel the venom in the back of her throat just waiting to shoot out at just the mention of Emma’s choice in partner. A slight stinging had entered her palms as the sharp digging of her nails had taken home there. “I can’t stand by and watch you marry him. I’m sorry but I can’t.”_

__

_An astonished arm flew into the air and fiery green eyes narrowed into the brunette. “Regina? What the hell?! Are you serious?” She spat out furiously, she knew how Regina felt about Hook but she couldn’t help but feel completely let down by her best friend. She wanted her there for support, was it too much to ask for Regina to just be happy for her?  
_

__

Regina said nothing, not a single word more. This act of silence seemed to make Emma angrier than any words possibly could. “You are unbelievable. This is my wedding day! You know what? Fine. Don’t come!” Emma turned on her heel as soon as the last word passed her lips and stormed out of the mansion, the door slamming carelessly behind her as she left.

__

_As soon as the cool night air had hit she felt the regret rushing into her. She hadn’t meant that, Regina was the one person she wanted there more than anyone else, she needed her there. Part of her wanted to run back into that unnecessarily huge house and beg the brunette for forgiveness, to somehow make her see that this was the right decision for her and her family but she knew there was no point. Regina would never accept her relationship with Hook and she knew that if she was going to go through with this marriage then Regina would not be there with her._

Their relationship had been frosty since then; they still spoke but only about everyday things. Neither of them mentioned the wedding or Hook or relationships. It caused a strain on them both but neither of them could cut their friendship short, they meant too much to one another to do that so they suffered with this half friendship where politeness and small talk was the focus.

A squeeze on her shoulder brought her back to the present and she shook her head bringing her out of her daze. “I’ll be out in a minute, I promise.” Her eyes synchronised with her mothers and she knew that that was enough to convince her that she was okay.

In a split second Snow’s expression had changed from one of concern to excitement and she grinned happily at the blonde. “Great! Ruby and Belle can’t wait to see you in your dress.” Snow leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on her daughter’s forehead. “I’ll see you soon.”

Emma was left alone once again with nothing but her own contradicting thoughts to keep her company. She loves Killian, right? She sighed and leant her palms onto the bathroom sink and once again began to stare into the mirror. Was it normal to have this many doubts on your wedding day? She knew that Killian wasn’t perfect but with the exception of Neal he had been the only person who had given her a chance and he really did seem to care about her. After a while her parents had grown to tolerate him and even like him, in fact, it was only Regina who had a problem with him and she still wasn’t really certain why that was.

At the thought of Regina she grabbed her purse from where it had been sitting and found her phone. She frowned at the lock screen when the only message to appear was from Killian. She shoved her phone back into her purse and threw it to the ground with a sudden rage. She should have been happy to see a message from her groom but instead all she felt was disappointment. The one person she wanted to hear from was ignoring her still and there was nothing she could do about it.

Moments of self-scrutiny passed before she heard another knock at the door, a firmer one this time with no trace of a voice to identify the occupant. It was probably an impatient Ruby or a worried David. “Come in.” She called out without looking away from the mirror, a thin strand of hair unravelling itself from the index finger it had tightened around.

“Emma?” A rich voice called out, a voice that she hadn’t expected to hear and a voice that made her heart race faster than it was supposed to.

Her head whipped around and Regina stood just inches from her. For a second she thought she could see a look of apprehension in the woman’s eyes but that was soon replaced with the usual unreadable look that the brunette was so fond of. “You came?” Emma’s voice was feeble but she instinctively stood up straighter, no longer leaning on the sink beside her.

A semblance of a nod came from her as she looked the blonde up and down. She looked incredible so much so that she was unable to speak for a couple of seconds while she took in the appearance of Emma Swan, the bride. “I wasn’t going to but I had to talk to you before well, before it was too late.”

Emma couldn’t help but blush under Regina’s contemplation, she glanced down at her dress and bit her bottom lip uncomfortably; she felt nothing more than a little girl playing dress up. She frowned slightly after Regina had spoken, she knew whatever it was it must’ve been important, Regina had been pretty certain that she was going to be nowhere near the ceremony yet here she was standing in front of her. “What do you mean?”

“You can’t marry him.” Regina spoke clearly and to the point. She had come here with one mission which was to stop this sorry excuse of a wedding.

Another frown. “Why not?” She asked; her voice shakier than she would have liked it to be.

“Because he is not right for you and I know that you’re not in love with him. You might think that you are but I know that you’re not.”

“I... I am…”

“Stop.” Regina cut Emma off before she even had the chance to utter the lie that was about to pass her lips. “I know what it’s like to marry somebody who you’re not in love with. I know what it’s like to want to please your family, to do what everyone thinks is the right thing. But you have a choice, Emma.” She sighed as she recalled her own past and she hated how similar Emma’s was turning out to be. Other than Henry, Emma was the person that she cared most about in this world and there was no way that she was going to stand by and watch while Emma traps herself into an unhappy marriage just for the sake of appearances. She noticed the conflict and panic that was residing on Emma’s features and she softened her manner, her voice lowering and her hand stretching out to grasp the blondes. “You don’t have to do this. It’s not too late. Please just do what is right for you.”

“I love Killian.” She whispered, entirely unconvincingly to both herself and Regina. Her hand lay limply in Regina’s, her eyes resting on them so as to avoid looking at the other woman.

“If that is true then why are you in here instead of out there marrying the love of your life?”

“Regina, please stop.” Emma tugged her hand harshly out of Regina’s and wrapped her arms around herself. She wanted to leave but she couldn’t. This conversation with Regina being the conversation she had secretly been yearning for. The debate she was having with herself in her head now becoming a reality and right now it seemed like Regina was the one who was making the most sense.

“No. Because you’re making a mistake, one that I made all those years ago and I can’t let you do it. I will not.”

“It’s not your decision to make.” She looked up at Regina and noticed the passion in her eyes, passion that she had never seen aimed at her before. She swallowed and could hear the laughter from her bridesmaids coming from the other side of the door. What would they think? What would her parents think? And Henry? No, she had to do this. “You need to leave. They’re all waiting for me.”

“Let them wait. This is your life. I don’t want you to do something that you’re going to regret for the rest of it.”

“It’s too late. I’ve made up my mind, now please go.”

Regina could sense the uncertainty, the worry, and the complete desperation in Emma’s voice. She knew she was right, after all, she did know Emma more than she even knew herself. “Do you really love him? Or do you just love the thought of him? I know what you’ve been through. I know you want this perfect family, one that you never had growing up but this isn’t it. I know that you think that marrying him will make you happy but it won’t work unless you are truly in love with him and I don’t think that you are. Tell me that I’m wrong, tell me that you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him and I will leave…Tell me!”

“Regina!” Emma yelled, tears falling freely from her eyes now. “Stop this!” She turned away and wiped her eyes as carefully as she could not wanting to ruin her makeup. Within seconds she could feel Regina’s arms around her and instead of fighting them she sunk herself into them. Gentle sobs continued to escape from her as Regina soothed her as best she could. “What have I done?” She whispered into Regina’s shoulder before pulling away gently and looking helplessly at her.

“We can fix this, it’s not too late. This is entirely your decision.” Regina spoke tentatively and wiped a stray tear off of Emma’s cheek with her thumb.

“I don’t love him.” She said aloud for the first time. “I haven’t done for a while now.” Her eyes rested on Regina’s palm which was still cupping her cheek, the warmth of her skin causing her own to tingle. “It all seemed to happen so quickly y'know. It was all rings and excitement and everyone was happy for me, for us and I just, I didn’t want that feeling to go away. But then I found out about him lying to me about my grandfather and I was so mad.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Regina sighed guiltily and let her thumb continue to stroke Emma’s damp cheek. After the news of the engagement she really had drawn herself away from the blonde, it was painful seeing her 'happy’ with someone who didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as her. She dropped her hand softly from Emma’s cheek only just realising that it was still there. “I should’ve checked on you but I was being selfish, I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay; really it was something I had to deal with myself.” Emma paused and she took in the guilt-ridden face of the brunette in front of her. She reached forward and squeezed her arm; she in no way felt that Regina had done any wrong and it hurt her to see that she was being so hard on herself. A small smile replaced that frown and Emma withdrew their contact, her palms now both resting on her hips in a weirdly uncomfortable position which was mainly due to the size of her dress. “Ugh. I was so stupid, so damn stupid to forgive him for that but I did anyway because that’s what good fiancés do, right? They forgive their partner for lying and doing shitty things in the past. I guess that was the first warning sign though, after that, I started to doubt everything. Every time he went to hang out with the guys I wondered if that was where he really was, every old story he told me I wondered if that really happened, the trust had gone and it’s like I started to look at him in an entirely different way afterwards.”

Regina listened intently, taking in all of this information that she hadn’t known. Sure, she knew that Emma wasn’t truly in love with Hook but she never knew just how many doubts she was having. Truthfully she had tried not to think of the couple, every time either of their names was mentioned she would change the subject, every time that that pretty green eyed face entered her mind she would shake the image away. Emma was just another lost love like Daniel and Robin had been except Emma was the love that she had never even had. She had always been the one that could’ve been and it broke her heart to see her in love with somebody who wasn’t her.

The blonde had started to pace, her mind seeming to have gone into overdrive as she was finally saying all these things out loud and she was glad it was to Regina, frankly she couldn’t think of anybody else she could say all this to and not feel judged by, not even Archie who just so happened to be sitting in the second row in the church just a few metres away from her right now. “We had an argument a couple of weeks ago, I had just come back from my mom’s house and we were looking through bridal magazines and I guess I must’ve forgotten that we were meant to be going out for dinner that night. He was angry, really angry like I had never seen him so angry over something so small and it scared me, Regina. I mean, I know I have magic and I know if he ever tried to hurt me then I could just blast him or whatever but just seeing that rage in his eyes, it made me feel like I was in the system again being yelled at for not eating my vegetables. That sounds dumb, doesn’t it? I don’t know, it’s like now we’re engaged he doesn’t have to try anymore, he can be the real him because he’s already won his prize and the real him is a total sucky person.”

Watching Emma pace up and down in a small space was something that Regina had never thought would be so hypnotising yet here she was completely mesmerised by the blonde marching back and forth in front of her. As much as she was revelling in hearing Emma talk so distastefully about Hook it also upset her to see the other woman in such pain. In fact, the more she heard the angrier she was getting and all that anger was aimed toward a 'probably still wearing leather even on his wedding day’ pirate man child. “He does not deserve you or any such prize for that matter.” She could tell her tone was angrier than Emma was expecting because the blonde had instantly stopped pacing and instead was staring back at her, her mouth slightly parted and her brows arching inwards. She took a deep breath before continuing to speak, adjusting her manner slightly so as not to alarm Emma in any way. “You should’ve come to me; I wish you would’ve come to me.”

Emma took a step closer to Regina once she was certain that the woman was calm. She had heard all about that time when Regina crashed her parents wedding and though they all laughed about it now she still wasn’t sure that she wanted to experience an angry wedding crasher version of Regina. “It wasn’t that easy. You saw my parents; you saw how proud and happy they were for me. Mary Margaret’s already talking about having baby Hook’s, for god’s sake. I owe them this much, surely. I want them to be proud of me and for them to see me start a family.”

“You have to be selfish; if you did marry him then all those things would be a lie.”

“I just hate to see them disappointed.”

There it was. That confession which she knew would be coming sooner or later. Emma was still that lost little girl who wanted to be loved and have a home even now after she had found her parents she still wanted to make them happy. It was sweet, if not a little frustrating. “They’ll get over it, Emma. And the most important thing for them is to see you happy not Hook or fake Emma and Hook, you, Emma. The real you.”

“You’re right. You’re right.” She swallowed before glancing at Regina. “I can’t marry him.”

“What do you want to do?” Regina asked, her eyes remaining focused on Emma’s as her voice came out as a gentle, unthreatening whisper.

“Get out of here.” Emma choked out dryly and the top of her lips arched upwards ever so slightly as she noticed the smile playing on Regina’s face. “And you were right about all those other things too, by the way.” She said quietly, as the serious tone of the conversation was once again set into place. “I just… I want what my parents have and Killian was there and I thought maybe he was the one but there was always something missing.”

Regina nodded in understanding; she knew Emma’s predicament only too well. “You’ll find all that one day but I can assure you that the pirate is not the one to give it to you.”

Emma nodded her head slowly, unconsciously copying the exact same motion as the brunette. “You’ve never liked him, have you?” She said wryly, Regina had noticeably not made any attempts whatsoever to get to know Hook despite having to be around him at almost every family event that was held. “Why not?”

Regina scoffed, where did she even begin when answering that question? “Because he’s sly and deceitful and he’s really not good enough for you but I’ve already told you that before, haven’t I, dear?” She smirked until she saw the tell-tale sign of a smile lingering on Emma’s lips. “I should have fireballed him in Neverland when I had the chance. The way he kept eyeing you up when we were trying to find our son made my skin crawl.”

Emma winced at that particular memory, Hook acted like a total ass then, she had actually sworn to herself back then that she needed to stay away from him but that, unfortunately never happened. “Can we get out of here now?” She asked, a wave of nausea suddenly starting to attack at the thought of marrying that same man.

“What do you plan that we do?”

“Grab Henry and go to some exotic beach someplace until all this blows over?”

She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t considered that option for a brief moment and a warm chuckle echoed the room before she shook her head defiantly. “As nice as that sounds, I don’t think it’s very practical. I’ll talk to your parents and let them know what’s happening and I hate to say this but you should really be talking to Hook. If you vanish with me then he’ll only go on some pointless, idiotic mission to rescue you from the oh, so Evil Queen.”

Emma sighed and pursed her lips into a small pout, a pout that Regina just so happened to be very fond of. “Okay.” She agreed, knowing that that exact event would occur if she did just simply vanish with Regina and Henry. She stood awkwardly for a second, a genuine smile painted on her face as she stared at Regina. “Thank you for y'know helping me do what I was too scared to do. If it wasn’t for you I’d be walking down that aisle right about now.” She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Regina, her chin resting comfortably on her shoulder as the smell of apple shampoo calmed her.

The two women stayed wrapped into one another for as long as they could do, neither of them wanting to break the contact that both of them so deeply yearned for. They broke apart together but still remained within each other’s personal space, their bodies close but not touching. “You just needed a little push, a little perspective besides you would have done the same for me, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Emma smiled, knowing full well that if the tables were turned then she too would be making sure that Regina’s own happiness came before that of anyone else’s. Her eyes rested on Regina’s briefly and what happened next she couldn’t quite explain but somehow she found her lips brushing lightly against those of Regina’s.

Her eyes closed as soon as the contact was made, not quite believing that this was actually happening. Her head caught up with her almost immediately though and before she could fully embrace this new found pleasure she was pulling away. “Emma.” She whispered in no particular tone. “We can’t.”

A knot formed in her stomach and panic struck in her eyes but for some reason, she didn’t feel bad for what she had done, in fact, she felt almost the opposite. “I’m sorry I thought that you wanted…”

“I do.” Regina countered back immediately, not wanting Emma to get the wrong idea. “But not like this, not now, not when you’re wearing that.” She looked down at the dress once again, the dress that was much more suited for Snow White than for Emma Swan.

“Shit. Yeah, me and my bad timing.” Green eyes fell to the ground with embarrassment, she often found her actions won over her words but this had taken that to a whole other level. “Um, I’m gonna go get this over with.” She turned to face the door and clenched and unclenched her fists trying to gather as much courage as she could before she would have to become face to face with Hook.

"Emma, wait.” Regina called back, her voice sounding louder and more needy than intended. When Emma turned towards her once again she could see just how nervous she was, all she wanted to do was to hug her again and tell her how wonderful she really was. God, she hated Hook for never treating her the way that she deserved to be. “You’ll stay at mine tonight, okay? And every night until you’re ready to go back home.”

“That would be nice. Thanks, Regina.” She said before finally turning once again to leave.

And then Emma walked out to tell that man that she would not be marrying him today or any other day for that matter. Regina stayed staring at the spot that the saviour had been standing in until the bang of the door woke her up from her daze. It was finally over. Emma was free once again. A tear trickled slowly down her cheek, a tear of relief more than anything else. She had no idea what the future held for herself and Emma now. She knew it was going to take time but she was willing to give up all the time in the world for her. She knew there would be changes but Emma herself was the one who had taught her that change wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The one thing she did know though was that her feelings for Emma were real, they always were and this time she wasn’t going to keep them a secret.


End file.
